Friends of The Bitter Wolf Greetings, pesky humans! It is I, B.P. Wolf, with some semi-embarrassing news to share. During this year’s Wolf Moon, I may have gotten a bit carried away with the festivities. Connie forgot to deadbolt the door, so I escaped from my den and paid a visit to the local village. I couldn’t tell you exactly what happened, but in my state of ecstasy, it seems I was more anaconda than wolf that day. Later, I burped up various assortments of teeth and bone, three full fingers, a throat piece (I don’t know what that’s called!), someone’s ponytail, and four or five separate wallets. Would you believe that between all of those wallets, I was only able to scrounge up enough change for a single McFlurry? And then the machine was broken. Criminal! Anyway, this happened all the way back in January. I had just begun settling into another hibernation when the villagers came along and dragged me kicking and screaming out of my cave. Pro-tip: Never black out and gobble down everyone’s credit cards and expect no repercussions from the sensitive humans. Their wheels of injustice might be slow, but in this case, they were steady, and now I’ve been sentenced by the Wolf People’s Court to make “regular contact with humankind.” So, I decided to make you, my readers, suffer with me! Every month, I’ll present to you this court-ordered commentary written by some horror-loving human acquaintances. I told them they can ramble on about whatever topics they think are important. I don’t care! I’m just doing my civic duty. Without further ado, I'm pleased to introduce Jimmy O’Hara! Jimmy is a versatile queer artist who writes horror commentary over at his AfterDark blog. He also acts, writes screenplays, and is known around the world as the #1 aficionado of all things Scooby-Doo. Okay, that last part might be an exaggeration. He likes Scooby-Doo. But Jimmy, I ask you this: How can you promote that evil Mutt of Mystery? He consistently slurps up the last of the McFlurries! Don’t believe me? Do you have a better explanation for why those machines are always “broken”? There's no mystery to these machines. It’s Scoob! Anway, let me shut up so Jimmy can tell you what he thinks about slasher movies, then and now. Connie, leave that mouse alone and pay attention! Jimmy’s talking.
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